Flooded
by ToastyToaster22
Summary: The house was empty when Shigeo woke up, the dregs of a nightmare slipping away in the face of the sunlight. The house was empty but that was okay because Hanazawa was going to meet him after school and everything would be fine. Except he'd been waiting at the gate for a long time. He'd woken up right? Mogami arc related trauma warnings yo.
1. The House Is Empty

**Uhhhhhhh. oops I wrote this instead of updating any of my ongoing fics. uh. good news is that this is only two chapters and then I can pretend like I will go back to my regularly scheduled Digimon and Tsubasa.**

* * *

The house was empty when Shigeo woke up.

A yawn pulled at his dry throat, the wisps of a dream fading in the sunlight. The feeling it left him with did not.

The house was empty.

He brushed his teeth, gargling loudly to make his own noise.

The house was empty.

He ate his breakfast with the TV on.

Ritsu had an early morning meeting with the student council. His little brother had more responsibilities now that he was a second year. It was a good thing. Shigeo was proud of him. Dad was halfway to the train station by now. It was his mother's turn to drive in her work carpool.

This was normal.

But Shigeo kept his eyes trained on the sidewalk the whole walk to school anyway.

* * *

The knot slowly forming in his stomach made it hard to concentrate on the teacher's lesson. He kept his head down, hoping that if it looked like he was writing notes he wouldn't get called on.

It didn't work.

Shigeo choked back the 'I don't know' threatening to pass his lips. Any answer had to be better than that. He gripped his history book tighter, frantically scanning the text for help. A phrase jumped out from the page. The words tumbled into the air before he could stop them.

The teacher frowned.

Someone snorted.

Shigeo hid his flinch by sitting back down as quickly as possible. His chair screeched against the floor.

This wasn't math class, but this wasn't unusual.

But the house had been empty.

* * *

A flash of familiar hair caught his eye in between classes. Heart lurching, Shigeo felt a small smile creep onto his face. His hand raised in a wave. But Ritsu was deep in conversation with new council president Tokugawa and passed by in a rush. The festival was coming up soon and there was a lot to prepare for.

The smile dropped with his hand.

* * *

Tome-chan was out sick. There was a bug going around early this year.

Shigeo stood with his lunch clasped in shaky hands. With no one to grab his elbow and drag him toward the lunch table he felt unmoored, the world moving too quickly around him. He stared at the back of Inukawa's head.

He should go sit down. He was in the way just standing in the middle of the room.

Except his feet wouldn't move.

Someone pushed past him, shoulders bumping awkwardly.

Saruta laughed abruptly, nearly dropping the drink in his hand. Droplets spattered onto the table. It wasn't milk.

It wasn't milk but Shigeo sat in the classroom instead. He wasn't very hungry anyway.

The house had been empty.

* * *

No one called on him all afternoon which was good because his final classes passed in a haze of whirling half-thoughts and tense shoulders.

There was no Body Improvement Club on Fridays.

Shigeo found himself missing Dimple's rude commentary. The evil spirit had been hanging around the office more and more, taking great joy in harassing Reigen and Serizawa.

Shigeo didn't have work today either. Shishou now gave him Fridays off for social time. He was supposed to be "enjoying his youth", the man had claimed with a wiggle of his eyebrows that had made Shigeo's face hot.

Oh.

That's right.

He was going to Hanazawa's after school.

The knot squirming in his stomach settled slightly.

It was Friday. Hanazawa would pick him up at the gate and they would hang out at his apartment together. Take-out food, video games, and movies. Pressed together on the couch, Hanazawa's arm around his shoulders, warm and comfortable until Shigeo was pushing his curfew and they had to dash to the train station before Shigeo's mom called. Hanazawa came to the station every time, despite it being so close to his home. He'd squeeze Shigeo's hands and send him off with the feeling of a soft kiss lingering on his cheek.

Shigeo pressed cool fingers to his overly warm cheeks, praying no one was looking at him. He stared at the clock, willing the hands to move faster.

The house had been empty, but that was okay because Hanazawa was coming.

* * *

Hanazawa was late.

Shigeo checked the time on his phone again. Yes. Hanazawa was definitely late.

Shigeo shuffled his feet, pulling closer to the fence to let a stream of first years past. The hem of his shirt was going to come undone if he kept picking at that one loose string. It was chilly out for late spring, winter digging its stubborn claws in and refusing to yield. Shigeo should have taken a hat or gloves this morning. But he'd been distracted.

The house had been empty.

The knot in his stomach grew into something dark and fluttering. It climbed upwards and took hold of his chest and made his lungs feel tingly and his fingers numb.

There was a bird on the wire. Shigeo did not look at it.

No one was leaving the school anymore.

Shigeo waited.

Waited.

Waited.

His gaze drifted towards the telephone wire. He begged himself not to look. He did.

It wasn't a crow.

But it was black.

Something clogged his throat, his back pressed solidly against the fence. It wasn't a crow, but the house had been empty when he'd woken up.

He'd woken up, right?

A clear beep split the air, sending Shigeo's heart racing. Another ping sounded before he could get his phone back out of his pocket with trembling fingers.

_Hanazawa_

_Im sorry I'm so sorry! I hope you aren't still waiting for me! I stayed home sick today and I meant to text you earlier but I fell asleep and just woke up. I'm really sorry._

_I don't want you to get sick but I will make it up to you next week, okay? Promise! :) _

Shigeo blinked slowly.

He was… not going to Hanazawa's?

The fluttering spread, rising up as he sank. The bird's eyes were boring into him. The world was slipping, growing muffled. Shigeo could only see that little 'okay?' on the overly bright screen. No, no it wasn't okay. It wasn't okay when the house had been empty and there were wrong answers and spilled not-milk and missed greetings and there was a bird… Was it a rhetorical okay, or was Hanazawa actually asking if it was alright if they didn't see each other? Shigeo couldn't tell.

Cold thumbs hovered over the keypad.

Hanazawa was sick. He needed to rest and relax. If anything, Shigeo should be worrying about Hanazawa's health instead of fixating on something that hadn't even been real. Maybe if he walked really slowly all the way home his mom would beat him back to the house. Maybe not. He couldn't go back to an empty house. He couldn't, but Hanazawa had said not to come.

Sweat dripped down Shigeo's temple. It felt like blood.

His fingers moved.

_Can I come see you_

Shaky hands hit send before even adding the question mark. Shigeo was usually very proper with his texting. But today the house had been empty, and he couldn't bring himself to care about punctuation. He scrunched his eyes shut, a breeze nipping at the back of his neck and creeping under his hair. He suppressed a shudder.

His phone went off.

_Hanazawa_

_I mean you can if you want, I'm not throwing up or anything. I'm probably not great company tho? I don't want to give you a cold :(_

Biting his lip, Shigeo quickly typed out his message before he lost his nerve. Did expressing your emotions more mean you could invite yourself over to your sick boyfriend's house?

_I wnat to see you pleas ._

Shigeo counted to a hundred and nineteen before his phone lit up again.

_Hanazawa_

_Is everything okay?_

Shigeo's breath stuttered. The bird hadn't left.

_No_

The response rang in eight seconds later.

_Hanazawa_

_The door is unlocked_

Shigeo ran.

* * *

By the time he reached Hanazawa's apartment Shigeo was drenched in sweat. It was cold, sticking his school uniform to his skin. He kept running his sleeve over his face, trying to rid himself the unsettling feeling of something running down his forehead. The stitch in his side and the pains in his chest were from exertion, but he counted the stairs to keep his mind from thinking of boxcutters.

His chest was heaving. It hadn't been real and it had been months ago. Last year. Why was it bothering him so much all of a sudden? It didn't make any sense. But there was Hanazawa's door, and once he got inside and saw that Hanazawa was there and that he was definitely in the right world and definitely awake he could relax. Shigeo didn't understand why he needed to see the concrete evidence of this. He knew that Mogami's world was fake. He'd only been inside for an hour. Nothing had even happened.

But the house had been empty and he needed to see Hanazawa.

His knuckles rapped clumsily against the wood, announcing his arrival before he pushed the front door in. The apartment lights were all off in the front of the house, the late afternoon sun casting a pale-yellow glow over the living room furniture. It smelled of tea and soup.

Shigeo slumped against the wall as he took off his shoes. His muscles went lax and Shigeo expected the uncomfortable feeling fluttering around inside him to fade with the tension.

It didn't. If anything it intensified. His lungs pulled in uneven amounts of air, feeling strained beyond what was normal for the amount of exercise he had just participated in. The knot in his stomach dissolved, but it only seemed to spread the sensation outwards to his limbs, leaving them weak and shaky and tingly. The change was baffling, and Shigeo didn't know what it meant. His heart hurt. He wanted something he couldn't find the words for, but it was important.

"Kageyama!" Hanazawa appeared in the hall, blue eyes wide and a blanket draped around his shoulders. He was a bit pale, but otherwise didn't look too much worse for wear. "You got here so fast. Did you run the whole way? That's amazing-"

Ah.

That was what he wanted.

Shigeo stumbled forward, ears not processing the words that tumbled past Hanazawa's lips. He wanted to join Hanazawa under that incredibly soft looking blanket, warm thumbs tracing shapes onto the backs of his freezing hands. Over his knuckles. He wanted his heart to be light and his stomach fluttering with butterflies instead of the sickening swirling that for some reason was not leaving.

He lurched to a stop in front of Hanazawa, stopping himself short and hating that just a little. But Hanazawa was sick and he was soaked in his own disgusting clothes. Clenching his stiff hands at his sides, he pushed down the urge to collapse into his boyfriend's arms. Swallowing painfully, he shook his head slightly, trying to key back into what Hanazawa was saying.

"-to take a shower? Or at least change? You look like you're freezing," there was a frown tugging at Hanazawa's mouth, his brows furrowed in obvious concern.

There was a delay, and then Shigeo made himself nod. A shower made sense. Hanazawa didn't need his germs. But-

Oh.

He had been distracted. The house had been empty.

"I don't have a change of clothes."

Hanazawa nodded like nothing was wrong, but his eyes stayed focused so intently on his sweaty face that Shigeo wondered if he had missed a question when he wasn't listening. He squeezed his fists tighter and followed Hanazawa when he waved a hand and went into his room to pull something from his own dresser.

"What's the matter, Kageyama?"

Shigeo jerked his head up, startled to see that he was in the bathroom. There was a folded pile of clothes on the counter and a fresh towel. When had they…? That… That couldn't be a good thing. His fingers twisted around each other, heart thumping unpleasantly in his ears.

"Kageyama?" Hanazawa looked really worried now, and adorably rumpled in his pajama pants and oversized shirt.

Shigeo took a step back. Self-control. He should take a shower.

Oh wait, he'd been asked a question.

"I'm fine," was what came out. No, no, no- He wasn't supposed to be doing that anymore. He was supposed to be talking about his emotions. He needed to change.

He couldn't bring himself to look up at Hanazawa's face, eyes trained on the tile to the right of his foot.

"I… You said- Are you sure?" Hanazawa's voice was soft and tinged with something that was not quite disappointment. It wasn't confusion either. Shigeo didn't have the brainpower to dissect it right now.

"I'm going to shower."

"O-okay. Call if you need anything, alright?"

He watched the other esper's bare feet hesitantly retreat from the bathroom with a heavy heart. He turned the shower on extra hot, hoping that would clear his head. He stripped out of his uniform slowly, avoiding the mirror. He didn't want to see his unmarred skin where he felt there should be scars. It didn't take long for the steam to fog over the glass, and when it did Shigeo dared peek at his blurred form. That felt about right. Fogged. Distorted. Hazy.

He stepped into the shower, blinking hastily against the spray. The heat was such a contrast to his chilled limbs that it sent shivers along his spine. The next ten minutes or so was a constant battle to stay present and give his body a good scrub. His mind repeatedly tried to drift off towards dangerous thoughts. Cold showers in a quiet house. Red swirling around the drain, seeping from abused feet.

Shigeo shook himself. This was Hanazawa's shower. Neither Hanazawa nor his apartment had ever made an appearance in that hour that was six months.

This was a safe zone.

Frustration joined the rest of his jumbled emotions.

The water was turned off and eventually he found himself mostly dried and wiping a spot on the mirror so he could comb his fingers through his hair. Hanazawa's sweatpants had to be rolled once at the bottom, and the light blue sweater had dozens of little suns patterned over it. They each had a tiny smiley face and sunglasses.

They reminded him of Hanazawa. It was a warm thought, but it sputtered out before it could bring a smile to his blank face.

The wood felt smooth and cool under his now pink feet. They walked him back to Hanazawa's bedroom without warning. He hadn't spent much time in here. The TV and game console were set up in the living room so that they could eat at the coffee table while they played.

Hanazawa was perched on the edge of his bed, two cups swirling with steam sitting on the desk nearby.

"Hey," the blond greeted him gently. "Feeling any better?"

Shigeo had been in here only once before, really. Back with Ritsu and Claw. Almost a year ago. It felt much longer than that. Before he'd even heard of Mogami Keiji. It felt like another lifetime. A life before hurrying past alleyways and flinching away from white cats and getting nervous around anyone with purple hair.

"Kageyama?"

Shigeo's gaze found the window. There weren't any crows in sight. Was this ever going to go away? It hadn't even been real. His breathing felt funny again. The shower hadn't quite fixed the out of breath hitch that had rooted itself in his chest. He came here because he thought it would make him feel better. He was imposing himself on Hanazawa when he wasn't feeling well, and it wasn't even working. Guilt dropped like a stone into his belly, splashing unpleasantly and sending ripples outwards, ever outwards. It felt like sickness.

"Hey, Kageyama, look at me-"

He no longer had a meter. There were no more sudden bursts of wild energy that would level the vicinity and leave him feeling drained and exhausted. Empty.

Instead it now felt like there was a terrifying swell. Something cracking. A dam fit to burst, emotion leaking like sludge, filling in the cracks and seeping out past where they could be contained. Beyond was not an explosion, it would be a flood. There would be no quick, violent burst and then relief.

He would drown.

"Kageya-"

Drowning sounded horrifying. The harder he tried to cover up the cracks, the quicker they formed. Glazed eyes stared out the window sightlessly, hands fisted in the plush fabric over his stomach. He was trembling with the effort of keeping the dam intact. He was scared.

"Hey-"

The house had been empty.

Something dripped from his hair onto his collarbone. It wasn't blood but-

"Ka-"

He couldn't breathe.

"Shigeo!"

Shigeo gasped in a startled breath, the world snapping back into place. He didn't think he heard his given name that entire six months.

Hands gripped just above his elbows, anchoring him. Hanazawa's frightened face hovered just in front of his own. His yellow-green aura snapped around him, saturated with worry.

The relief finally made its appearance. It did so with completely unnecessary dramatics, allowing for exactly one long second in which Shigeo stared eye to eye with Hanazawa and had the audacity to blush. Hanazawa had never called him that before, and he was embarrassed to realize exactly how much he liked it. Warmth spread through his chest like a wave, splintering and crumbling Shigeo's wall as it went.

And in came the flood.

A sob wrenched itself out of his chest so forcefully that he wavered even with Hanazawa's hands holding him in place.

The hands weren't enough. Shigeo wanted to be closer. To bury himself in softness and love and warmth and not emerge until he felt good and ready. He wanted it so badly, that unconditional comfort. Tears streamed down his cheeks and dripped onto his toes, lost in a sea of fear and yearning. Sobs tore from him, clogging his throat and inhibiting any attempt to get a plea out. Shigeo didn't want to have to ask. He wanted Hanazawa to initiate like he usually did. Texting a request to come over had exhausted Shigeo's energy for reaching out for the day.

Why wasn't Hanazawa moving?

Shigeo couldn't make his arms reach out to him and let out a heartbroken cry at his own paralysis.

A lightbulb shattered.

The snap was enough of a catalyst, and at the same time that Shigeo threw himself forward, Hanazawa took a frantic step in, his hands moving to yank his boyfriend in for a hug.

Shigeo burrowed his face into Hanazawa's neck, reveling in the feeling of the taller boy's cheek coming to rest on top of his hair. A hand cradled the back of his head. Shigeo pushed as close as he could, thankful for the arm wrapped tightly around his back. He was finally where he needed to be.

"Hey, hey… its okay," Hanazawa murmured close to his ear. "You're okay. I mean you're definitely not okay, but not being okay is okay- I mean I'm here and I've got you, alright? I've got you…"

Shigeo gripped Hanazawa's shirt like a lifesaver and let the flood take him.

It had been growing, swelling, churning inside of him for eight months and the floodwaters were extensive. They stretched in every direction, endless. It was a lot of emotion for something that hadn't been real. Was it really any different than the bad dreams he had sometimes? Any different from the one from this morning? Those six months hadn't actually taken place, so why was there so much to spill now?

But he had thought it was real at the time.

Was that the only difference?

Was that the only thing that really mattered?

His body hadn't actually been beaten, bruised or… stabbed… but the hurt inside him had been genuine. The fear was real. The blood may have been fake, but the terror of it was not.

So, when it came down to it, did it being real even matter?

Maybe not.

The floodwaters rose. Shigeo had taken comfort in it not being real. Used that as a crutch, something to remind himself of when things got hard. It hadn't been real so it couldn't hurt him anymore. But if that didn't matter then where was his safety net? The flood rose higher and if it continued Shigeo would be lost.

He clawed his way upwards, pulling himself higher in Hanazawa's arms as if he could physically escape the surge of emotion. His fingers clutched at the pink fabric over Hanazawa's back desperately. Hanazawa may have been rocking them. It was hard to tell. This much emotion for so long was beginning to be frightening in and of itself. He'd never cried for so much time. Or this hard. This was scary.

_The outside world is scary._

Mogami was gone but his words stayed.

The window cracked and the cups shattered, spilling half-cooled tea over Hanazawa's desk. The other light popped and the room darkened slightly.

This was officially too much.

He couldn't do this.

He was starting to hyperventilate.

Hanazawa was talking, mumbling, soothing, and Shigeo interrupted him. Maybe if a name had started this, a name could end it too.

Shigeo pulled back, hands twisting in Hanazawa's loose sleeves. He couldn't let go. He stared wide, wet eyes pleading.

"Teruki, _help_."

A brief look of surprise colored the blond boy's cheeks with a light flush before his game face took over. In an instant he seemed to understand that Shigeo was working himself up over his own reaction to his emotions. Shigeo admired that level of situational awareness. He could barely distinguish what was going on in his own head, let alone in someone else's.

"Okay, okay, we're gunna calm down," Teruki reached up and brushed Shigeo's bangs aside to press a firm kiss to his forehead before guiding him to sit on the mattress. "Put your head between your knees. Deep breaths, okay? Like this," an exaggerated inhale reached his ears.

He kneeled on the floor in front of Shigeo, a soft hand cupping the back of his head to keep him in place. Teruki tugged one of Shigeo's shaking hands away from his shirt and placed it on the back of the boy's own neck. The motion felt odd, but Shigeo noticed his chest feeling less strained after only a moment. His breaths were still coming too quickly, but at least they felt like they contained air now.

"There you go, you're doing a great job. Okay, other hand…" soft pressure pulled at his wrist, but the second Shigeo released Teruki's shirt a helplessness overtook him. Like without that anchor he would be swept away entirely.

He panicked, yanking back just enough that he could snatch Teruki's hand instead. He held on fiercely, head shaking no. A whine slipped out between gasps.

"No? Okay, that's fine. I won't say no to holding your hand," there was a smile in his tone, something teasing and familiar.

Shigeo grasped at it with all his heart. Squeezed his hand once. The gesture was returned, a tender reassurance.

Teruki resumed the exaggerated breathing, coaching Shigeo into copying the slowed rhythm. It took a considerable effort, but after some time the floodwaters began ebbing away. Still there, but manageable. He was wading instead of drowning. Teruki's hand never let go, his other threading gentle fingers through Shigeo's still-damp hair. The lower the waters receded the more Shigeo came to notice a shimmering dome enclosed around them. Slowly, his tear blurred vision abated and he understood why Teruki had his barrier up.

Glass glittered all over the floor and the curtains by the window fluttered.

Oops.

Significantly calmer, Shigeo sat up a bit. He hastily wiped his face, still clinging to Teruki's hand. He wasn't going to be letting go for some time. An apology for ruining his boyfriend's room bubbled up in his throat, but when he looked down, Teruki was smiling up at him so widely and genuinely that it didn't seem necessary.

"Welcome back," Teruki's eyes crinkled at the corners.

Shigeo took a shuddering, bracing breath.

"Hi," he whispered.

That wasn't enough.

"I… thank you, Teru," a leftover tear streaked down his red cheek. Teruki wiped it away before it could go too far.

"It's no problem, Shigeo. Are you feeling better?" Shigeo may not have been good at reading subtlety, but lucky for him, Teruki didn't really do subtle. There was still heavy concern in his tone that was at odds with how happy he appeared.

Shigeo nodded. Reevaluated. The waters were still there, lapping at his toes. He shrugged. Nodded again.

"I think so."

The sunset glinted off a particularly large glass shard.

He really did feel bad about messing up Teruki's bedroom. His throat was raw from crying and words weren't one of his strengths anyway. That was all Teruki.

He raised his hand and the glass floated into the air before zipping towards the ceiling to reassemble the bulbs. The window slotted itself back into place, veins of blue purple energy running along where the pane had buckled. The curtains stilled. Teacups chinked back together, the ruined tea streaming up from the floorboards to sit in the cups once more. They wouldn't drink that, but it wasn't good for it to be sitting on the wood for long.

The protective barrier dropped. An awe filled chuckle escaped his boyfriend, turning into a dry cough at the end. Teruki turned his head and cleared his throat into the crook of his elbow. He was still pale.

"You're sick."

Teruki stood, brushing off his knees casually.

"Only a little. I woke up with a sore throat and a headache, and when I called Shishou Reigen to ask what to do about it he told me to stay home or else he would show up at Black Vinegar and drag my ass back here. So, I stayed home. But I slept most of the afternoon, so I don't feel all that bad, promise."

Shigeo mulled that over. Then he tugged at Teruki's hand hesitantly.

"You should lie down."

The blond boy sighed fondly. He rolled his eyes because honestly, he wasn't very sick, but he indulged Shigeo anyway. Teruki clambered up onto the bed and flopped back into the pillow. He sent an impressive pout up at Shigeo and tapped his thumb on the boy's knuckles.

"If I have to lay down, you do too. Its only fair."

Well. Shigeo was awfully drained. And he had run such a far distance earlier. His training with the Body Improvement Club had increased his endurance quite a bit, but the fear fueled sprint was likely beyond what he should have attempted. His legs would be extra sore tomorrow, he knew it.

That, and he still felt a little shaky. Vulnerable.

"Mhm," he agreed. His eyes drifted down to their joined hands and slowly, cautiously, Shigeo let go. The waters licked at his feet but didn't go any higher.

"C'mere," Teruki made grabby hands at him and Shigeo almost smiled.

He crawled over and tucked himself into Teruki's side, the blond esper's arm snaking around him and spreading warmth over his back and hip. Shigeo rested his head on Teruki's chest, ear over his heart. The repetitive thumping was soothing in a way nothing else was. He deflated, sinking into the mattress and fluffy comforter. His borrowed clothes were soft against his skin too. Bringing an arm up to lay by his face, he let his fingers brush at the downy material. He watched the fabric bunch and smooth, blinking lazily. His eyes were tired.

Teruki's hand ran through his bangs, tracing invisible shapes near his temple. It blocked out most of the light, but Shigeo didn't mind. He kind of liked it. The world felt smaller here. More manageable.

It wasn't long before the gentle ride and fall of Teruki's chest lulled him into something that was not quite sleep, but Shigeo wasn't sure he would call his current state wakefulness. His eyes had closed, Teruki's thumb venturing lower to trace his cheek. It occasionally grazed his eyelashes, sending them fluttering, his eyebrows scrunching minutely.

"Hey, Shigeo?" Teruki paused, his heartbeat speeding up under the sleepy boy's ear. "Are you awake?"

Barely.

"Hm," he whined lightly.

"Can you… When you texted me you said things weren't okay, and they clearly aren't, but… did something happen?"

Shigeo didn't quite know how to answer that. He didn't want to put the horror of Mogami's world into words. Not so soon after being so upset. Things were still too close.

He settled for another vague hum.

Teruki didn't take that as an acceptable response.

"Like your family is okay, right? No one is hurt?"

Oh. Shigeo supposed that was the logical assumption to go to first. It was not like Teruki hadn't witnessed first-hand that Shigeo had a tendency to tolerate abuse towards himself pretty passively… and abuses towards his loved ones not at all. He hadn't cared one bit about being beaten up by Koyama, but the second the man threatened Ritsu, Shigeo had lost his damn mind.

He shook his head.

"Everyone is okay," he whispered.

"That's good. That's good I guess."

The arm tightened around his waist protectively. Teruki almost sounded like he didn't want to hear the answer to his next question.

"Does that mean something happened to you?"

Real or not, Shigeo had to be honest. Teruki's shirt shifted against his nose when he nodded slowly. Once.

"Today?"

A deliberate shake, no, not really.

When there was no follow up question, Shigeo elaborated.

"A while ago."

A rumble in Teruki's chest filled his ear. Teruki hummed.

"Before we met, then?"

Another shake. Shigeo kept his eyes closed. It was easier to talk if he didn't have to look at anyone.

"September."

"Oh," Shigeo could feel the pull of his boyfriend's frown on the top of his head. "Can- Would you be okay telling me what happened?"

That was… There was way too much that Shigeo didn't understand still. Six months of false memories clogged his brain. It was difficult to search through it all and find the important points. The ones that would make the story make sense.

"I don't know how," he admitted, curling his toes into the blanket.

"Alright, that's okay. But if you think you can tell me at some point, I'll listen. Even if its just a little bit or you don't think it matters, I'll listen."

Shigeo rolled his head to dust a kiss to Teruki's hand. Teruki choked, cutting off the flustered sound that burst from him.

Shigeo really was lucky to be surrounded by the kindest people.


	2. And I Need Help

**Ahahah there's only like one person reading this on FF, so here you go Bean! Hope you like it.**

* * *

Something was making noise. A shrill jingle that was entirely unwelcome.

Shigeo huffed and turned away from it, pushing his face into the dark softness he laid on. He scrunched his eyes shut, wiling the sound to stop so that he could go back to sleep. His body felt like it was made of lead, sapped of all energy. When was the last time he had been this comfortable? He could never sink into his futon at home like this.

There was a groan that wasn't his. He could feel the noise on his cheek.

What?

His pillow shifted and stretched away from him, paired with the dull pattering of hands on wood. The pillow returned with a sigh.

Then a breathless, "Oh, shit," followed by a "Moshi moshi," that was strained with barely concealed panic.

Teruki extricated himself from his very groggy boyfriend, sitting up quickly. Blinking against the light in confusion, Shigeo rubbed his face. He squinted. Teruki was frantically mouthing something at him, but Shigeo's brain was taking its sweet time in joining him in the waking world.

"Huh?"

"No, no! Everything is fine! We fell asleep, nothing happened," Teruki covered the speaker to the cell phone and hissed at him, face flushed. "It's past eleven! It's little brother-kun!"

Oh.

Oh dear. Shigeo's curfew was ten.

He heaved himself upright and slumped to his knees, yawning and gesturing for Teruki to give him the phone.

"Uh, hang on a sec, little bro. Shigeo's up and he wants to talk to you. Here."

He dropped the phone in Shigeo's hand, leaning away from it like it was liable to explode. Judging from the fact that Shigeo had been able to hear his brother's garbled shouting, Ritsu was less than pleased.

"Ritsu?" He croaked. Oh, his voice was _wrecked_.

"Nii-san? Are you still at Hanazawa's? He said you fell asleep, but you sound awful. What's going on?" Ritsu's agitation was palpable, though watered down with concern.

Shigeo nodded to himself, looking down at his knees.

"Yes, we fell asleep. Sorry I worried you."

A resigned sigh came over the line.

"Its okay, I'm sure you didn't mean to. Mom and Dad have been calling you, though. You didn't hear your phone?"

"Oh… um, no," his phone had been in the pocket of his uniform. It was probably still in the bathroom.

There was murmuring on the other end.

"Are you going to head home now? Dad said he can meet you at the station here, so you don't have to walk in the dark," his little brother passed along the offer. His voice turned sterner. "Make sure to have Hanazawa take you to the station there, okay?"

That…

Shigeo didn't want that. He didn't want to move at all, let alone go outside in the dark and ride the train by himself. His stomach cramped just thinking about it. Teruki's apartment felt separate from the rest of his life. It felt safe here.

The outside world could be scary.

And it was okay to run away sometimes.

He glanced upwards, his eyes meeting Teruki's questioning ones. Shigeo mustered up his courage (and exhaustion) and mouthed his request.

Teruki smiled like Shigeo had gifted him the moon. The eager nod was perhaps unnecessary.

"Ritsu, can I talk to Mom?"

Teruki's hand rested on his, stopping him from picking the comforter apart.

"Nii-san are you okay?"

Shigeo bit his lip, moving his hand out from under Teruki's to brush his fingers over the other esper's knuckles instead. Teruki used a lot of moisturizer.

"No. I don't think so."

"Nii-san?" Ritsu sounded distressed.

"I had a bad day," was the most explanation he could muster for the time being. "Can I talk to Mom, please?"

"I- Yeah, of course. I'll get her…" Ritsu trailed off like he wanted to say more.

Shigeo waited patiently.

"I'm glad you're safe, Nii-san."

It was nearly a whisper, but Shigeo heard the message loud and clear. A smile teased at his lips. He threaded his fingers through Teruki's and peeked up at him through his bangs. He was so, so lucky to have such kind people around him.

"Thank you. I love you, Ritsu. Goodnight."

"I love you too, Nii-san. I'll get Mom."

The line went quiet. Shigeo blew out a long breath. He'd never asked his mother for something like this. He didn't know what he would do if she said no. He curled inwards. Switched to sitting with his legs crossed. His knee bounced as he listened to hushed voices on the other end.

Teruki leaned in and kissed his temple, staying close after and dropping his head on Shigeo's shoulder. The weight was solid. Warm and grounding.

A rustle.

"Shige?" His mother sounded frazzled.

"Hi, Mom."

"Shigeo? Honey, Ritsu said you had a bad day? What's wrong?"

* * *

Teruki puttered around the kitchen, talking about everything and nothing. He'd dragged Shigeo out of the bedroom only moments after he'd ended the phone call with his mother, declaring that neither of them had eaten dinner and therefor Shigeo must be starving. He would be a poor host if he let his guest suffer like that, after all. Teruki had draped the throw blanket around Shigeo's shoulders when the boy shivered, tying the ends in front like a cape "so he could keep his hands free for eating".

The tea was almost ready, Teruki informed him, shooting a carefree grin over his shoulder. The clink of new cups sounded too loud in the quiet of late night.

Shigeo sat at the table; his eyes half-lidded. He stared down at his bowl of instant ramen, watching the steam curl up towards his face. This feeling was new. His old explosions used to leave him feeling like he'd overflowed. Like he'd been emptied, all his emotions poured out. He was used to an excess and then a lack. Of feeling hollow.

This wasn't like that.

This felt more like someone had attempted to scrape his insides out and done a poor job of it. Ragged hunks had been left behind and his insides were irritated and raw. His head hurt. His eyes hurt. He felt fragile. Worst of all there was something lingering about it. This was not something he would be able to shake off overnight.

Was this really better? It certainly didn't feel like it.

Yet he hadn't destroyed anything. He'd broken a few glass items in Teruki's room, yes, but the room was intact once more. The building hadn't crumbled to dust around him. And Teruki… He hadn't hurt Teruki. He hadn't hurt anyone, but most importantly, he hadn't hurt Teru again.

That was his answer, he supposed. Yes. This was better.

It still hurt though.

He watched in muted surprise as a tear dripped into his bowl. He hadn't even realized he was crying again.

Shigeo sniffed as quietly as he could, but Teruki spun around, two cups of hot tea hovering beside him. His face crumpled in sympathy.

"Oh, Shigeo…"

Shigeo pushed his bowl away, not wanting to ruin it. His stomach was churning too much for him to have had more than a few mouthfuls. He stared at his hands gripping the edge of the table. Thought of a throat under his fingers. He jerked his arms back to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut against the visual. Another tear traced down to his chin.

The chair beside him pulled out slowly, and a hand started running up and down his back.

"I did something bad."

The hand paused, and Shigeo looked over at Teruki. There was something skeptical in the way his brows quirked, but his boyfriend didn't interject. After a moment his face relaxed into something milder. More open. The lack of verbal judgement was encouraging.

"I hurt someone," he whispered. It was strange that it was easier to tell this part of the story. Maybe a cruel part of him thought Teruki might understand what he'd done. "It wasn't… real? But it doesn't matter. I hurt someone."

"Was it in self-defense? Or was it a bad guy?"

Shigeo shook his head, eyebrows crinkling together under his hair.

"I wasn't trying to get away. I was angry. I was hurting them on purpose," his words were coming out as dull and flat as ever.

Teruki frowned, considering.

"Did they hurt you first?" The question was phrased so innocently, but it felt like Shigeo's world had just tilted off its axis.

He bit his lip, watery eyes trailing over the seam on his sweatpants.

"Shigeo. Did they hurt you first?"

A tiny nod. Yes, they had. For a long, long time. So badly.

"And did you ask them or tell them to stop?"

Another nod, just as minute.

The hand on his back resumed its rubbing, staying close to his neck and shoulder blades. Warm circles.

"But they didn't stop." Teruki prompted.

A shake.

"But I-" Shigeo's voice was quivering so much it was a wonder Teruki understood him. "They weren't psychics. They were just regular kids. And I hurt one of them."

There was a heavy sigh, and Teruki's hand slid down his arm to hold his hand instead. The blond boy scooted his chair closer, leaning his elbow on the table and his cheek in his hand so he could look Shigeo in the eye.

"I thought you were the one to tell me that psychic powers were just like any other trait? It doesn't matter if you had powers and they didn't. They hurt you. You asked them to stop. They didn't, so you acted to stop them. That's self-defense, Shigeo, powers or no powers."

Oh.

His chin trembled. It had been like some kind of twisted, dirty little secret. The part that he'd been most ashamed of, when he felt like he'd thrown his own moral compass out the window. He'd been pushed, sure. Pushed and pushed and_ pushed _to get to that point, but he ended up there nonetheless. Teruki had pushed him too, way back then, and he had kept himself together all the way until unconsciousness… But then again, Teruki had pushed really hard for five minutes.

Six months was a very long time.

He was nodding. At what exactly, he didn't know, but his head bobbled up and down, hands falling limply into his lap.

"They hurt me a lot," his voice cracked hard. "A lot for a long time. It was actually an hour, but it felt like a really long time for me."

Teruki's hand found his again and held tight. He hummed, mulling something over. He looked a little confused. And a lot like he was trying to not be angry.

After a moment he asked, "It wasn't real?"

Shigeo took a deep breath, wiping his face. He nodded, fixing Teruki with a resolute stare. He needed to be firm about this for his own sake.

"It wasn't real. That doesn't matter though. I thought it was real and it was scary and it hurt."

Teruki was close enough now to lean over and press his arm against Shigeo's. Shigeo liked how tactile the blond esper was. He always had to build himself up to make gestures like that. Teru made it look effortless, however Shigeo wasn't jealous. He was grateful.

"If you don't mind me asking, was it a hallucination? Like a psychic power to make dreams? I just want to understand what you mean when you say it wasn't real."

Ah. Huh, well it was probably okay to explain that part so long as he didn't get caught up in the details. Shigeo tapped his toes against the floor, chewing the inside of his cheek while he came up with the words.

"It um, I was inside someone's head."

Teruki blinked.

"What?"

Okay, not enough details.

There was a girl. She was possessed, and nobody could… I couldn't- The spirit was too strong to exorcize. So, I did an out of body experience to get rid of the spirit from the inside. It worked but it took a long, long time."

His boyfriend's mouth was hanging open.

"Wait, you what? Like astral projection?"

"I guess."

Teruki couldn't seem to wrap his head around that. He sat up and turned in his chair so he could face Shigeo fully, bewildered.

"Since when have you been able to do that?"

"That was my first time trying. I can do it I guess." Shigeo shrugged a little.

He jumped when Teruki burst out laughing, burying his face in his hands. The boy cackled breathlessly, leaning back in his chair and letting his head thump against the wood.

"Oh my God. Of course it w-" The rest of Teruki's sentence was lost to another round of snickering.

Shigeo had no idea what was so funny.

"Teru?"

Teruki let his hands fall away, his face rosy. He was holding in something bright. Something gentle and warm and dear.

"Shigeo," he was smiling so widely his eyes were almost shut. "You never cease to amaze me, and I hope you never stop."

* * *

It turned out that waking up and having dinner at eleven thirty made going back to sleep difficult, no matter how exhausted you were.

It also could have a little to do with the fact that falling asleep earlier had been an accident, and that Shigeo was now laying down beside his boyfriend in his twin bed with the lights out.

Shigeo wasn't sure his mother had quite given him permission to do _that_ when she said he could sleep over. But Teruki didn't have a spare futon and there was no way either of them was going to spend the night on the living room couch. Teruki was sick. And Shigeo was feeling… delicate. Being alone was not an option.

"Sorry the bed is so small," Teruki mumbled, barely audible over the distant whirring of the washing machine. "Felt bigger before, right? I dunno why we don't fit anymore…"

An awkward laugh switched into a dry cough.

Shigeo fisted his hands in the blankets, blinking into the dark. He was very self-conscious of the fact that he was getting sweaty again. Partially because he didn't think he could handle having nightmares and potentially another meltdown. The other half of it was definitely due to the fact that Teru's elbow kept bumping his, and their bare toes kept leaning together and jumping apart again.

Were all sleepovers this stressful? Shigeo had never been to one before, but if they were, he didn't think he was missing out on anything.

Teruki shuffled around, kicking the bottom of the blankets out from where they were tucked too tight.

"Could you…? I mean, um. What if we both laid on our sides?" Teruki sounded uncharacteristically shy.

That made sense.

Shigeo nodded, turning to face the room. Ever so slowly, Teruki rolled over, his knees pressing lightly against the back of Shigeo's. Shigeo's heart jumped. A hand came up to press feather light against his side. Everything was tentative. Cautious. Shigeo's head felt kind of fuzzy, but in a lightheaded, not so bad kind of way.

The blond esper waited, holding himself still until he was sure Shigeo wasn't going to protest the touching. When he didn't say anything, Teruki relaxed, snuggling just a bit closer and releasing his breath in a big huff.

And then suddenly everything was bad.

Shigeo had no idea _why_ the feeling of hot air on the back of his neck made his heartrate rocket past 'mildly alarming' and jump straight to 'imminent danger', but it did. Which didn't make any logical sense. No one had been close enough to him in that six months for him to feel their breath. Their fists? Yes. Their feet? Also yes. But anyone's mouth? No.

Maybe it was just the uncomfortably familiar feeling of something _there_. Something lurking. Always there. Always watching.

Whatever it was, it sent Shigeo scrambling to sit up, a frightened cry on his lips. A sweaty hand clamped to the back of his neck, eyes wide and searching the corners of the room. Around the lamps. The windows. He was practically wheezing.

"Woah! Shi-Shigeo, hey…" Teruki pulled his legs in, away from Shigeo, sitting himself up against the headboard. His movements were measured. Deliberate. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you… Was that me? Or, or something to do with the possession thing?"

Shigeo couldn't tear his eyes away from the window. The shades were pulled, but someone could see in the cracks if they tried hard enough. It didn't matter what floor they were on, spirits floated. He wanted to hide, yet he could not move.

"No- not you," he stammered.

His boyfriend slumped, boneless for a beat, and then he crawled over to where Shigeo was stuck. He kept an even few inches between them, joining Shigeo in looking at the window.

The washing machine switched cycles.

"He was watching me," Shigeo whispered. "He was always there. Watching them hurt me. He wanted them to. He made them. He wanted me to do bad things-"

He choked. It was too late to start talking about Mogami. It was too late in general.

"Do you want me to block the window?" Teru asked, looking up at him.

Shigeo curled in on himself. That was silly. He was safe here. Mogami was gone.

"I can if you want. I don't mind. Sometimes the light comes in really early in the mornings and bothers me anyway."

He nodded.

Teruki smiled at him, visible even in the dim light of the bedroom. He flicked a hand out and his wardrobe shifted a handful of feet to the left. If Shigeo didn't know any better, he never would have known there was a window there at all. A second flicker of yellow-green aura shut the door to the room, the click of a lock sounding as well.

"Nobody here but us," Teruki said confidently.

Shigeo dipped his head, glancing at Teruki's reassuring presence before assessing the window and door. Mogami had been powerful enough to blow up the whole block plus some. A lock was not going to stop him, and yet Shigeo's thundering heartbeat was slowing.

"Thank you, Teru."

Teruki beamed.

"So long as it makes you feel better," he pulled back the covers and climbed back into bed, gesturing for the smaller boy to join him. "I promise I won't do that again."

Shigeo twisted his fingers in the hem of his sweater. It wasn't like Teruki had done anything wrong.

"It wasn't you-" he protested weakly.

Teruki shook his head, adamant.

"I won't do it again."

Shigeo hated that his anxiety lessened at that.

He got back under the blankets, squinting at the bedcovers through the near pitch-black gloom. Teruki had rolled onto his side, away from him, leaving a significant portion of the bed open.

Well. That was generous, but it wasn't quite what Shigeo wanted.

The esper curled himself behind Teruki, pressing his hands to his boyfriend's back. Teruki startled, but then hummed happily, so Shigeo didn't move them. He bent in and let his forehead press to the blond boy's spine. The fabric of Teru's pajamas tickled his nose.

His heart slowed some more. Better. This was better.

A dog barked somewhere outside and Shigeo flinched.

Better, but not perfect.

In a fit of childishness, Shigeo pulled the blankets up over his head, blocking out the world entirely. It was a little hot, a little stuffy, and a lot better. For the first time since he woke up that morning he didn't feel the oppressive weight of phantom eyes on him.

With Teruki's steady breathing settling him down once more, Shigeo found it really wasn't that hard to fall asleep after all.

* * *

"What. _The Hell_. Happened?" Ritsu growled, keeping his voice low so that Shigeo wouldn't overhear while he changed his clothes upstairs.

Teruki couldn't help but grin at Shigeo's little brother. Everything about this situation screamed that something highly traumatic had happened, but the blond boy had to appreciate how many people Shigeo had in his life that honest to goodness loved him. It was endearing and Teruki was grateful his boyfriend had so much support.

"Hanazawa, seriously," Ritsu's arm was blocking Teruki from entering the house any further. He was one step away from spitting mad, a hissy kitten not afraid to sharpen his claws on the object of his displeasure.

Crossing his arms, Teruki stared up towards the second floor. His brows furrowed.

"Did something happen back in September?"

That seemed to throw the little brother for a loop.

"September? Shit, a lot of things happened last fall. What do you mean?"

Teruki grunted, frustrated that he had very little to go on.

"I just didn't know if he'd told you anything. Or anyone at all, actually. He hasn't said much, but it sounds like there was an exorcism that went really badly back then. It- I think he's been pretending it didn't happen, but it messed him up. Now that he's being more open with his emotions it may all be hitting him at once."

"Nii-san doesn't tell me a lot…" Ritsu mumbled reluctantly. "We're working on talking more, but back then… Even though that would have been after Claw and Koyama, he wasn't always telling me when he was struggling."

"Hm."

Ritsu lowered his arm, letting Teruki step into the hall. They made their way to the kitchen, the younger Kageyama tapping his thumb against the back of one of the chairs.

"Teru-san?"

Teruki straightened, looking at Ritsu with his full attention. It was rare for him to call him that.

"I know that Nii-san went to you because he trusts you. And whatever he told you was in confidence. I don't want to force you to betray that, but I need to know some of what is going on. I don't want to accidentally make him feel worse by saying or doing the wrong thing out of ignorance."

Shigeo may be good at getting people to understand him, but it was clear that Ritsu had inherited an emotional eloquence Shigeo may never achieve. Teruki did not want to just blurt out all the things that Shigeo had worked so hard to explain to him, but Ritsu had a serious point.

He pursed his lips, not sure how much longer Shigeo was going to be upstairs.

"Did you know your brother can astral project?"

The unblinking confusion on Ritsu's face was enough of an answer.

"It sounds like there was a strong spirit possessing someone and Shigeo used that technique to get rid of the spirit from the inside. A lot happened when he was in there, but not to his physical body. It seems the evil spirit tried to… break… your brother and get him to resort to violence," Teruki's hands balled into fists. "Shigeo only told me a couple bits of what was going on. I don't want to push him. But you-"

Teruki took a bracing breath, hating the pained look he was putting on Ritsu's face. He continued on even quieter, looking down to the table.

"Don't offer him milk. I don't know why. I asked if he wanted some with breakfast this morning and he froze and wouldn't eat any more. Which is bad because he didn't really eat anything last night and he mentioned skipping lunch at school too. And then- This I really don't understand, I thought he loved cats. But on the way here I saw a cat and pointed it out to him, I thought- I thought it would cheer him up, right? Don't. Just don't bring up cats."

Teruki shook his head harshly, trying to physically banish the memory of Shigeo's terrified face. Of the way he bolted, panicked, to the nearest alley. Of his breathless heaving, not enough food in his stomach to bring anything up. Of Teruki's useless words and fluttering hands and broken, racing heart.

Ritsu looked like he was approaching overwhelmed, fingers tapping out random patterns on the chair.

"What- What do we do?" the little brother swallowed loudly.

Teruki scrubbed his hands through his hair. He wasn't a therapist. He was fifteen and could barely take care of his own shit most of the time, let alone someone else's trauma. He was confident in a lot of his abilities, and he needed to be honest with himself, this was not one of them.

He opened his mouth to answer but cut himself short when footsteps started padding down the stairs.

Teruki and Ritsu shuffled to the kitchen doorway. Shigeo came around the staircase, eyes wide and uncertain. They landed on the two of them and relief flashed across his face.

"Hi," a tiny smile lit him up then, bright as a lighthouse. Joy and appreciation for their presence.

Teruki's heart broke a little bit more.

* * *

Shigeo was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. Now that wasn't really a problem, per say, it just was. He was squeezed between Ritsu and Teruki on the couch, curled into Teru's side with his arm around his shoulders. Ritsu gripped one of his hands in a vice grip. Two of his fingers had pins and needles after so long, but Shigeo didn't care.

The third movie of the day played on the TV in front of him. He'd lost track of what they were watching some time ago. The images on screen smudged together into blobs of color. Shigeo was tired.

He let his eyes close, his head lolling further off Teruki's shoulder and down onto his chest. It made his bangs ride up on his forehead, sticking into the weave of Teru's sweater. His boyfriend pressed a kiss to the top of his head and told him very quietly that he had cute eyebrows. Shigeo went beet red and Ritsu made fake gagging noises but didn't let go.

Every loving touch and every soft word gave Shigeo the strength to reach down and pick a cracked piece of his ruined dam out of the water. He'd surrounded himself with the crumbled masonry. A tight circle of brittle stone.

Despite everything, the floodwaters were stirring. They inched upwards the longer he was awake. He soaked in love and comfort. He built his wall. The waters climbed.

Sometimes they overwhelmed him, spilling through holes, over the uneven top, splashing his feet. When the water spilled, words spilled from his mouth. Nonsensical. Disjointed. Shigeo was well aware that neither his little brother nor his boyfriend could make a coherent story from what he was revealing. It was causing them stress but he did not control the words anymore.

"They took my shoes."

"The teacher told me to keep standing."

"The Body Improvement Club said no."

"I lost a tooth."

The house was empty.

The house was empty.

"The house was empty."

His mother came in to chide them for forgetting to call when Shigeo had come home.

"You're a responsible boy, Shige. I trust you to make good decisions, and your father and I aren't going to punish you for this. Just don't make it a habit, alright? Let me or your father know if you need anything," her words were steady, but the tilt to her brow and the way she picked at her nails while she spoke told a different story. She was as worried as the rest of them.

Shigeo hauled up a giant, unblemished section of the wall from that.

Someone on screen chopped up vegetables. Shigeo's half-lidded eyes traced the knife.

It had been a boxcutter.

Water slopped over the top of the rickety wall, pouring in and splattering his knees.

"She stabbed me," he choked suddenly, hot tears dripping off his chin and onto Teru's leg. His eyes were getting so sore. His stomach cramped.

Their reaction was slow, a dawning horror that had no words.

Teruki moved first, his arms coming around to engulf Shigeo as much as they could, pulling him into his lap. For once Shigeo wasn't the one that was shaking. One of Teru's hands roved Shigeo's back, searching around as if the wound were still there. The other reverently wiped the tears that fell to his cheeks.

"Shigeo, what…?"

The water rose and spilled over and over.

Ritsu's hand was gone. He hiccupped.

"Nii-san… who? Who did _what?_ I. Someone- _Who?"_

"And then he had a brick- And there w-was so much blood," Shigeo stuttered, shifting hurriedly to cling to Teru's neck.

Through bleary, tear filled eyes, Shigeo watched Ritsu grow pale. His little brother was stammering, but nothing was getting out. Ritsu reached out towards his older brother, drawing back before he made contact.

"Teru-san, I don't-"

Shigeo's sob stopped him from hearing the rest of what Ritsu said.

No.

No.

_No._

There was a crow on the fence outside.

The water rushed in, filling the space in an instant.

Shigeo gasped, the TV crackling behind him. Something popped. He couldn't do this again. He was too tired. Burnt out. He didn't know people could even have this much emotion come out of them. Did people run out of tears? Was that a thing that could happen?

"Shigeo, hey. Come on, look at me," Teruki pushed him back enough to see his face. "You're here with us. Shit. I, God please don't cry like this- Ritsu?"

Shigeo loosely gripped Teru's sweater, too exhausted to do anything more. This wasn't the earlier panic. This was despair. Everything hurt. He'd been so lonely and so hurt and so scared all the time. He had felt all of that the first time, why did he have to do it all over again now? That was so unfair.

"Nii-san?" Ritsu sounded so small.

Ritsu shouldn't have to see him like this. He was supposed to be the big brother. He was supposed to be the one helping Ritsu when he was upset.

A picture fell off the wall.

Ritsu fled.

Teru's hands cupped his face gently. Shigeo squinted at him and was startled to see that Teruki was fighting back tears as well.

"Shigeo, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help you. This is really big…"

Shigeo reached up and held a hand over the one on his cheek. He didn't know what to do either.

Two pairs of hurried footsteps sounded down the hall.

"Oh, Shige…Kiddo…"

Ritsu hovered by the doorway. Shigeo's eyes went wide, turning to see his father getting to his knees beside the couch. Strong arms took him from Teru, folding him into an all-encompassing embrace. No matter how hard Ritsu held his hand or how tight Teru hugged him, it could never compare to how this made him feel.

"It's alright, son. Let it out."

Shigeo had a lot of appreciation for his dad. The man took everything he did in stride. Never flinched when he broke things. Laughed when he bent spoon after spoon. Always gave him the benefit of the doubt. Told him he had other talents when he got poor grades in school. He gave the best hugs.

When he was in Mogami's world Shigeo did not remember that he had parents. The loneliness that pervaded the world did not allow for happy memories of the past. They were simply gone. For the first time, Shigeo was glad for that. He didn't know if he could have stood such loneliness if he actually remembered how wonderful his father was.

It had been such a long time since he had been held like this.

So, so long.

Shigeo drifted.

* * *

Muffled discussion was what roused him. His head was pillowed on someone's leg, a familiar, smoky smell forever embedded in the fabric.

Dad.

The heavy hand on his brow confirmed it. It sat with a weight that would have been unpleasant if not for the thick waves of nostalgia it brought. Checking for fevers. Wiping away dirt. Holding him in place for haircuts.

Awareness crept over him like molasses. His back pressed against the back of the couch. Someone sat in the space he was curled around, their much smaller hand thumbing circles on his shoulder blade. It caught slightly on his shirt on the way up in a way that could only mean one thing. Sparkly nail polish.

Teru.

A fluctuating aura was incredibly close by. It coiled and released continuously, never quite lashing out far enough to reach him. Shigeo peeked one eye open just enough to see dark, messy hair in his peripheral vision.

Ritsu must be sitting on the floor. There was something in his hand though, and the curiosity was enough to get Shigeo to blink both eyes open.

Ah.

Like a psychic's stress ball, Ritsu held a spoon in his hand. It twisted and straightened. Warped itself into a pretzel and back. His little brother was practicing control.

Shigeo didn't have the energy to smile, but a surge of affection warmed him all the way through.

"-since September? God, how has he been functi-"

That was his mother's voice. It was easy to follow, Shigeo tracing it around the room with her pacing footsteps. He wasn't listening, really. He knew they were talking about him. Teru's voice joined the conversation most often, Shigeo once in a while catching his own words repeated. He wasn't upset with Teruki for telling his family. It had been too difficult to do himself, so if this was how they had to find out… It was unfortunate for them, but so be it. Teru may not have the full story and Shigeo knew that he would have to get it all out eventually, but for now this was enough.

He had so much support in his life. So many people he loved who loved him back.

The house had been empty, but his heart was full.

The waters rose around him, but Shigeo wasn't afraid. He kicked the remnants of the dam away. Shigeo would not drown.

He would learn to swim.

* * *

**someone get these damn kids a therapist. they are not old enough to be dealing with any of this**


End file.
